Living Life

Fulfilling time

Had a great breakfast with a great friend, Brian Raphael.  Do you surround yourself with great mentors, coaches, and training partners?  If you are constantly interfacing with people better than you, you will surely improve.

Holly

When I first heard her heartbeat on the ultrasound, I became invulnerable.  Nothing could bring me down.

When I held her head up because she couldn't when we sat on the couch, I had purpose.

When she rode on my shoulders on nighttime walks, she would awkwardly point and in some sort of halfway intelligible syllables would ask, "what's that."  Those were my best teaching moments.

When she said I picked on her too much, I learned to try and see the world through her eyes.

Now she's off to college to start her adult life.  Did I teach her well enough?  Did I give her the tools to succeed?  I guess if I still pay her cell phone bill, her call back to me to ask for help will be free for her.

Big changes for me, good changes for her.  Words can't capture it all, but I think her deeds will.

Nobody sees me

I wake up to total darkness, seeing nothing.  There's a darkness that you can see shapes, sense what is in front of you.  Then there's a darkness blacker than night where you can't tell if it's dark, or if you're blind.  The floor I'm on is cold, heartless, like unforgiving steel or finely polished marble.  Where am I?  How did I get here?  What is this place?

As I stand up I see a pinpoint of light.  It draws me, like a moth to a flame, if you'll forgive the overused cliché.  It's the only thing here in this nothingness, so where else would I go?

As I approach I hear strained breathing in the darkness to my left.  "Who's there?" I say.  "Where are you?"

"Huh?" a voice replies.  It has to be right next to me.

"I can't see you, where are you?" 

"You can't see me?" the voice replies lowly.  "Nobody sees me."

"What do you mean?  I can't see anything."  I reach out, hoping to feel something, but touch nothing.

"Don't stop me, I've made my choice," the voice goes on, this time a little more distinct.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm going through the door.  Can you see it?" 

I look towards the light, and sure enough, it has grown to outline a door.  It captures my attention, beckons me closer, and I faintly see a hand reach for the handle.

"Wait," I say.  "Is that you?"

"You see me now?"  the voice replies.

"A little, I see you a little now," I say as the light shines on a human shape.

"You might be the first.  No matter, I'm going through.  It's warm on the other side, and so cold back there."

I feel warmth from the door, and yes, the voice is right.  It is cold at my back.  A smell reaches me, warm, inviting.

"Do I smell muffins?"  I ask.  "Blueberry?"

"Yes!" the voice exclaims.  I can almost feel the smile from the shape.  "Right there the door.  Isn't it great?  That door is my escape." he says as he reaches for the door.

"Wait," I say.  "Something's not right here."

"What do you mean?" he asks.  "It's warm and sunny.  There's nothing bad over there.  Don't try and stop me!"

I shake my head.  "I've been here before.  I know where this is.  This isn't what you think.  The smells, the warmth, over there, is all a lie."

The form becomes more definite.  I'm talking to a young man, or maybe a little older, it's hard to tell.  "But I can feel it." he continues.

"Yes," I nod.  "It feels that way.  But it's not real.  That's not an escape, it's an end.  When you walk through that door there's no changing your mind.  There's no coming back."

"But it's cold back there," he motions behind us.

I nod again.  "Yes, it is cold, but not always.  More importantly, it's real."

"But nobody sees me.  There's only pain."

"I see you now.  And yes, there is pain.  But perhaps, one day, you'll learn to stand against that pain.  Until then, I can stand with you."

"But," and his voice drops.  "Do I have to stay here?"

"I can't stop you from walking through the door.  But I can tell you that you will miss what could be on this side."

"Can I make it?" he asks.

I nod.  "Take my hand.  We'll walk this road together.  We'll brave the cold, we'll face the pain.  I will remain at your side until you're ready to stand strong on your own.  Then it'll be your turn to help someone else live in the cold."

Darkness closes around me, and a choice has been made.

Lessons in Leadership

Some hard days behind me, and a few more ahead of me.  I believe no matter what you do, hard or easy work, fast paced or slow, varied or routine, you're going to get stressed at some points.  It just seems to be human nature.  Every time you stress out, there could be a learning opportunity.  Here's a few things I've learned.

1)  Reach out to friends, mentors, coaches, partners.  A good friend of mine, a psychiatrist, said once that you can't be your own doc.  I can tell myself something and it just won't have the same impact as when one of my partners says it. I reach out quite a bit to a select group of friends that have never failed to help me, even when they didn't know it.

2)  Review your literary sources.  I love Richard Carlson; who are your favorite authors?  An article I read today made me realize we really do get through all tough times, and come out on the good end.  The fact that we're here now proves that.

3)  Find the joy in everday movement.  I saw a complete stranger walking the sidewalk today with a huge, beaming smile.  Ok, he might have been squinting in the sun, but that doesn't matter.  He was smiling and happy and I could be, too.

4)  Try to do something you enjoy everyday.  Today I swam, reviewed homework with my son, cooked supper and cleaned the kitchen with my wife, wrote on my blog and am going to play a computer game.  As stressful as my day was, it was pretty danged good.

And when all else fails, don't forget the value of some good hair metal turned up way loud!  Breathe easy and smile, we're all going to get through this.

Your actions' impact on your sense of self worth

I have found that it is often important to untie the connection between your actions and your sense of self worth.  Some days you will do well, some days you won't.  Your performance day to day, while demonstrating your ability, is not the totality of who you are.  Attempting to serve has value in itself, and your service also creates value even if it's only a lesson in "that's not the way to do it."

Don't let your successes fool you either.  It's good to be identified as being successful, however, if you let success form your internal picture of who you are, then failure will also form that internal picture.

Remember, when you see someone else screw up, do not assume they suck because they performed poorly.  As yours, their attempt to serve has value.  If you snicker, wonder, or are critical of the person instead of the behavior, then you when you fail, you will automatically be critical of yourself instead of just your behavior at that time.

Best of luck, and never lose sight of what's important.

A real hero

Got this sent to me from a friend of mine today.

"You're a 19 year old kid.

You're critically wounded and dying in the jungle somewhere in the Central
Highlands of Viet Nam. 

It's November 11, 1967. 
LZ (landing zone) X-ray. 

Your unit is outnumbered 8-1 and the enemy fire is so intense, from 100
yards away, that your CO (commanding officer) has ordered the MediVac
helicopters to stop coming in. 

You're lying there, listening to the enemy machine guns and you know you're
not getting out. 
Your family is half way around the world, 12,000 miles away, and you'll
never see them again. 

As the world starts to fade in and out, you know this is the day.

Then - over the machine gun noise - you faintly hear that sound of a
helicopter. 
You look up to see a Huey coming in. But ... It doesn't seem real because no
Medi-Vac markings are on it. 

Captain Ed Freeman is coming in for you. 

He's not Medi-Vac so it's not his job, but he heard the radio call and
decided he's flyin his Huey down into the machine gun fire anyway. 

Even after the Medi-Vacs were ordered not to come. 
He's coming anyway.

And he drops it in and sits there in the machine gun fire, as they load 3 of
you at a time on board. 
Then he flies you up and out through the gunfire to the doctors and nurses
and safety. 

And, he kept coming back!! 13 more times!! Until all the wounded were out.
No one knew until the mission was over that the Captain had been hit 4 times
in the legs and left arm.

He took 29 of you and your buddies out that day. Some would not have made it
without the Captain and his Huey. 


Medal of Honor Recipient, Captain Ed Freeman, United States Air Force, died
last Wednesday at the age of 70, in Boise , Idaho . 

May God Rest His Soul."

The point of the article was to criticize today's news media that is willing to tirade about nonsensical subjects, but won't inform the American people of a passing of a hero.  As well as supporting the criticism, I was greatly motivated to read this story.  How can I fail at anything I try when I have an example like this to follow?

William Crisler

William Crisler This URL is to the son of a friend of mine who is going through some challenging times with severe aplastic anemia. Through the whole thing, he's been a trooper. He likes to get positive wishes, so feel free to go to his website and drop a line of encouragement.

Inspiration

Part of today's workout was doing a 1 rep max of deadlift.  I hit the weight that was my previous max, and kept building up till I had added another 30 lbs.  I didn't get that lift the first time, but did the second.

Here's the really cool part.  There was a guy doing squats who saw me fail on my first attempt and was watching me fairly intently on the second.  On the second attempt, as the weight started to come up, he started nodding his head.  I saw that in my peripheral and that boosted my energy through the roof.  As I finished, he had this big grin on his face; we were both sharing in my victory.  In the same way that he inspired me to victory, I hope my victory also inspired him.

Who do you compete against

I thought of this as I was in a workout last week; what are the differences in the concepts of competing against another person or competing against yourself? 

If you don't perform your best, but you beat everyone else, have you done well, or were the rest of the folks just not in your league?  If you come in the middle of the pack but you had your best time, do you say you did well or do you still have more to achieve?

I look at myself and say I'll never be an Olympic class swimmer, but when I say that, I automatically limit myself and my progression.  Is there anything wrong with asking why I can't become an Olympic swimmer, given time and effort?  So do I shoot to be a competitor "in my own league," or do I shoot for being the best?

Being better than others can be a thrill, but helping others become better can also be a thrill.  Losing against others can also be a source of negative self talk. 

Lots of permutations and philosophical rabbits to chase here.  Maybe sometimes the best thing is to remember to have fun in whatever you do, where ever you do it, and whom you do it with.

Every Day is Christmas

A few years ago, at the Veteran's Day ceremony at the University of Portland, I met an Army Sergeant Major who had been in WWII, Korean, and Viet Nam. We had a good talk and I got a good insight to his perspective. When we parted, I said have a good day. He said every day is Christmas, when you've been through what he has.

I can easily see that he is right. What is more, we can all be grateful for the things we do have every day, and every day can be Christmas for us as well, if we choose to make it so.