Living Life

Lessons in Leadership

Some hard days behind me, and a few more ahead of me.  I believe no matter what you do, hard or easy work, fast paced or slow, varied or routine, you're going to get stressed at some points.  It just seems to be human nature.  Every time you stress out, there could be a learning opportunity.  Here's a few things I've learned.

1)  Reach out to friends, mentors, coaches, partners.  A good friend of mine, a psychiatrist, said once that you can't be your own doc.  I can tell myself something and it just won't have the same impact as when one of my partners says it. I reach out quite a bit to a select group of friends that have never failed to help me, even when they didn't know it.

2)  Review your literary sources.  I love Richard Carlson; who are your favorite authors?  An article I read today made me realize we really do get through all tough times, and come out on the good end.  The fact that we're here now proves that.

3)  Find the joy in everday movement.  I saw a complete stranger walking the sidewalk today with a huge, beaming smile.  Ok, he might have been squinting in the sun, but that doesn't matter.  He was smiling and happy and I could be, too.

4)  Try to do something you enjoy everyday.  Today I swam, reviewed homework with my son, cooked supper and cleaned the kitchen with my wife, wrote on my blog and am going to play a computer game.  As stressful as my day was, it was pretty danged good.

And when all else fails, don't forget the value of some good hair metal turned up way loud!  Breathe easy and smile, we're all going to get through this.

Your actions' impact on your sense of self worth

I have found that it is often important to untie the connection between your actions and your sense of self worth.  Some days you will do well, some days you won't.  Your performance day to day, while demonstrating your ability, is not the totality of who you are.  Attempting to serve has value in itself, and your service also creates value even if it's only a lesson in "that's not the way to do it."

Don't let your successes fool you either.  It's good to be identified as being successful, however, if you let success form your internal picture of who you are, then failure will also form that internal picture.

Remember, when you see someone else screw up, do not assume they suck because they performed poorly.  As yours, their attempt to serve has value.  If you snicker, wonder, or are critical of the person instead of the behavior, then you when you fail, you will automatically be critical of yourself instead of just your behavior at that time.

Best of luck, and never lose sight of what's important.

Was it a good day?

There's lots of different thoughts on whether or not we should even be worried about having a good day, but for the purpose of this concept, let's look at what makes us feel like we've accomplished something in any particular day.

I've gone through numerous days where I was busier than anything, but at the end of the day I couldn't remember what I did and I certainly didn't feel like I got anything done.

What I've discovered is that if I spend some time on a regular basis doing whatever it is I have placed value in, I usually feel pretty good that I've experienced a worthwhile day.  For me, a good, strong workout makes me feel like I've accomplished something.  Tracking my progress makes me feel even better.  If I can get that workout in, I feel good that I'm improving my health, improving my capability, and that I did something worthwhile that day.

I believe this concept can be applied to anything by anyone.  If you enjoy playing an instrument, then play that instrument on a regular basis.  If you enjoy reading a book, watching TV, playing a sport, whatever endeavor it is, if you place value in it, then do it.  Don't be afraid to change, based on how your values may change, and don't be afraid to value more than one endeavor, and divide your time as you see fit.

I would encourage a regular participation in this endeavor.  Daily is what works for me. 

Try to get this accomplished at the first part of your day.  It's easy for things to get in the way, and when faced with things you have to do vs something you want to do, you may never get to this endeavor.

If you start your day with this, then no matter what happens for the rest of your day, chances are you will still be able to look back and say your day's effort was worthwhile.  What better way to live than to feel like you're a success every day.

Thinking Causes Stress?

One of the things I've learned is that stress usually manifests itself greater in our own mind than anywhere else.  For various reasons, our own thinking can cause any event or situation to seem more insurmountable than it actually is.  When we dwell on a challenge, it grows.  When we worry about something in the future, it seems impossible.  When we beat ourselves up about the past, what's gone and done continues to weigh us down.

What I have found is that if we focus on right now, whatever it is we're doing, the future and the past begin to lose impact and weight.  Sometimes that focus has to be so much in the present that all we're thinking about is each breath, but whatever level we do this at, focusing on our present activity is a good solution.

Our present moment is probably the most important of our lives.  The past is gone, and many times the future doesn't happen as we'd predict, but the present is what we can affect right now.  This doesn't mean we shouldn't plan for the future, but focusing on present activities reduces the threat the future can hold for us.

What is stress?

A bit like a few other concepts, easy to recognize but hard to put a specific definition to, likely because stress manifests itself in so many different ways and is perceived so differently by people. 

I like to define stress as a signal my body is giving me that I am encountering a change that it is not used to.  In many cases, the stress I experience is unpleasant and potentially damaging, so when I get the signal, I attempt to change whatever is causing that stress. 

There are times, however, when that stress is the unpleasantness that comes with growth.  As an example, physical exercise causes stress, but that stress is merely the discomfort that accompanies getting my body to adapt to a heavier workload.  This adaptation is necessary to increase my actual capabilities.

So much much more to come on this topic, but for now, let's just try to define stress so we can be comfortable knowing what we're talking about.